We have hit 2019 and for many of us it is a time of starting new resolutions and working at making this year better than the last. Sometimes the resolution is all within.

What we need to do is look back over the past 12 months and remember what we have done and learned and how we can improve our lives and those whose lives we touch. Something that we all need to do is be kind; not just to others but to ourselves as well.

Kindness isn’t something you just give to others. In order to be happy you have to give kindness to yourself too. There are too voices that we speak. One is the one to others and then there is the one that speaks inside our own heads that never shuts up.

We are normally our worst critic and can be negative and self-critical while other times we can be understanding, positive and confident. Kindness is not a tool that should be used to fix pain or manipulate our emotions; self-kindness tells us to acknowledge our pain and not just to “grin and bear it”.

To make our futures better, we have to go to the root of our frustration, dissatisfaction, and the desire to get out of well-worn ruts. What lies at the root of almost everyone’s dissatisfaction? Judgment against the Self.

In the optimistic moment when you resolve to lose weight, go to the gym, be nicer to people, and so on, there’s a shadow side, a hidden voice that says, “You’re not good enough.” No one likes to hear this voice, and it takes different forms depending on how your life is configured.

To begin, realize that the voice in your head that undermines you is the voice of deception. It is pretending to be true, sitting in judgment like a petty god, but in reality, that self-critical voice is just a fragment of your ego mind.

If you live in the present, you will be free of all self-judgment. The past will no longer displace your present experience of life. This is being mindful, being awake, or simply being present. The mind is a creature of habit and can relapse though. So the trick is to wake up when you notice that you aren’t really present.

To adapt this to everyday life, simply start noticing when you have a negative thought and tell yourself affirmations such as “I’m not that person” or “This is just the past talking”.  These are effective healing thoughts and you are starting to train the voice in your head to join the present.

Remember you are better than what your head is telling you when you have these thoughts and that you can do what you put your mind to. You may just need practice. Be kind to everyone but especially to yourself.

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